never never

The rain came to leave, as is the way of things. The temporary ever tempered with the sense that you’ve seen it, deja vu the true meter of our being. The gutters swell much like other swollen gutters, the heart turns blue from all those bad beats. The sky strains and spits, the pitter patter spatter on the patio roof keeps time. Sadness of what is blends with sadness of what will be, colored by the hue of that which will never be. Only this brutal mood sustains.

We become what we do or don’t, we become the cruel truths and the catcalls, we become who we keep and what we lose. This destitution of place and self and station, the black and blue of used to be, the cycle of breath and gut and thought all gone awry by the laws of humanity and causality beset. A self inflicted wound is still a wound. Nowhere welcome is close enough to nowhere to go once all the inside empties out. In life the losing just won’t stop.

I get why they all get going. I get why the gone stay gone. Still, the wished for world has its say. The absence rings out, the hallowed hope hollows, the horizon keeps its own counsel. So I fill in the blanks, time wasted on the fly, the word after worthless word of my hateful head and hopeless heart. I hold my loathsome orbit because I cannot change my course, this bitter circling all I know. No joy, no hope, just waiting around to die. The rain is gone, the well’s gone dry, and hell is what you make of it.